I know this is probably a little O. T., but I think it’s really important and so I thought I’d share it. You see the heir to a certain European throne just announced he is planning to build a speculative housing tract in the Galapagos Islands. Really! I mean, like, I’m not kidding! And, yes, I know the world real estate market in the toilet and all–I mean, you don’t have to bust a gut to tell me that! Well, naturally, this news all seemed a little weird, so I did a little surfing on the net and found a few dots and then some more and finally got ‘em all connected up and you’re not gonna believe the real story on this deal.
Well, it seems that there’s this big plan called the “New World Order” or, as you might see references to it in certain e-mails, “The Cause”. And then there’s this really far-out Mayan dude named Nostradamus (the guy is like totally mind-blowing–he even foresaw the rise of Robert on this very blog), who way back in 2012 B. C., predicted, like, a total downer called “The Apocalypse” where everyone, like, dies horribly due to a real drag deal called “Catastrophic Anthropogenic Global Warming” (all you need to know is the stuff is, like, a really, really bad-trip).
So, like, this housing project in the Galapagos is, like, actually where a very few special members of the elite, called philosopher-kings/queens, with blood-lines going all the way back to whore of Babylon and Imhotep and everything, are, like, gonna to ride out the end times. Then, when the coast is clear they’re gonna come back to take over the world and make our few surviving, heat-resistant, seriously-devolved morlock-like descendents into a food source for their carnivorous pets and polar bears.
Now the so-called “big-secret” is that these kings/queens are just gonna devote their time in the Galapagos to some harmless, un-inhibited toe-nibbling and tampon-themed, re-incarnation, dirty-talk fantasies with the guys like all dressed up in their plaid skirts and bobby-socks and all. And since the Galapagos islands are so remote, for once in their lives, the royals can supposedly enjoy their little innocent pleasures without seeing them in the next-day’s headlines of some creepy, Robert Murdoch tabloid. But don’t believe that limited hang-out cover-story!
The true facts are that these so-called philosopher kings/queens are actually shape-shifting lizards! I’m not kidding! And their real plan, when they re-locate to the Galapagos, is to drop all that burdensome pretense of looking like people and just assume normal lizard-form full time. And now the reason why the Galapagos was chosen becomes clear. Without spelling out the obvious, let’s just say, while we all perish horribly, the royals are looking forward to some real quality time chasing all that fetching iguana tail that runs loose on the islands.